This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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