dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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