I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
