I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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