do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize