If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
