this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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