just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
