What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
