"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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