Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you win again, gameday.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
