Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
