forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
