Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
