you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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