Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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