maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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