I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
