90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
