dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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