Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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