Kiss
Puke
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
