Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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