She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
