Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
