***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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