Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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