Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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