You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
