I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
