Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
