Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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