I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
