If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
