It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
