I wish my penis had an off switch
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
