She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
