Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
