I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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