Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
