Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
