does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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