So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
