I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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