his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
