Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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