Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize