I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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