so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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