He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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