He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Someone signed my nipple.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
