question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
