Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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