dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
