A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
