I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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