I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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