and next time when you feel me up, do it right
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
