"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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