well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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