Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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