I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
3pm strippers are depressing
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Randomize
