I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Ladies don't puke and tell
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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