Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize