Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize