You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
