what if every blade of grass was a penis?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
