I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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