I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
